i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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