I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
