her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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