ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
