She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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