Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
being pregnant is like rehab
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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