Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
