it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
