I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
