he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
