i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
you never un-have a 4some
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize