people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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