tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I think people are normalizing furries
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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