I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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