I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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