So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
