When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
