shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
