Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
