The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
