Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
