We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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