i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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