put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
