My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize