it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
