come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
