The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
