when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
