She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You left your phone here
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