Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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