Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
