just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
