these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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