my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize