I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
