now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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