I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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