I can tuck mytits in my pants
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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