We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
