You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
