I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Randomize
