Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
