I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He? As in you personified your dick?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
