i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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