I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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