I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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