Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
