You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
