like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
