Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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