Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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