she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
