You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
