i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
