Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize