Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
