You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
