Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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