wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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