he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
