Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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