sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
