I think I died a long time ago.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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