I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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