I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
