Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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