Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
