You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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