he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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