idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
