i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
