I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
