this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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