You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
